File this under Letters I needed to write but will never send.


Dear Miss Young Thing,

The word of the day is “smothering”.
Yes, I can tell even from this distance that you are smothering him.
If I am getting annoyed and tired of seeing your face and hearing you proclaim that “He’s my boyfriend” imagine how he must feel?
Do you ever wonder why he does not answer your comments or add any of his own?
He is trying to keep his distance.
No matter how much you may want it, he is not going to settle down.
A more mature person would be able to see that.
I tell you a secret about him, one that I bet you did not know.
Your boyfriend screws around.
Oh, yeah.
While you are here saying how wonderful he is and staking your claim to his life he is out there looking for a woman to fill the holes you have left in him.
He has done it before to women far wiser than you, my young thing.
He knows exactly how to do it too.
He is handsome and he is charming.
He is romantic and knows exactly when to make his move.
And he kisses like an angel.
Ah, yes I was one of his…paramours.
Relax I have no interest in him now.
OK, that is a lie, if he called me right now I would take him just to prove that I can.
You see, you got my back up with the ‘down the nose’ looks and the ‘old’ remark.
True I am nearly 20 years older than you but those 20 years has brought me experience and patience and a cynicism that allows me to f**k his brains out, make him fall for me and walk away.
Remember that the next time we run into each other again.
I had him before and I know exactly how to get him back.
Stop thinking you are all that because the fall from the high and mighty tree is long and hard.

DL