I did not want to lie, not to my daughter.
I did not want to lie but it was necessary.
I had just finished my shower and was stepping out of the tub to allow my mud encrusted younger daughter to step in and I saw it.
A huge spider.
Huge, size of my palm huge.
I screamed, she screamed and I swear the spider screamed!
My little one high tailed it out of the bathroom buck-naked leaving a trail of mud behind her.
I jumped out of the shower naked, soaking wet and slippery as the spider made its way down the shower curtain and scuttled onto the tile floor.
I tried to calm myself, to slow my thumping heart but staring at the hairy eight legged thing made my pulse quicken and my stomach get all queasy.
I hate spiders, detest them.
They have never done anything to me other than scuttling about and moving so quickly you never know where they may be heading but I fear them, all hairy and spidery.
I knew that I was the only one who could eradicate the foe, it was entirely up to me to dispose of the spider.
I looked quickly around the bathroom and chose my weapon.
A huge wad of toilet paper.
Perhaps not the wisest choice mostly because I was still wet and the paper stuck to my arm and my thigh and my fingers.
My master plan was to catch the spider within the toilet paper wad, crush him then send him to his watery grave.
The spider did not cooperate.
I bent to squash it and it scurried away its spiny legs making noise on the tile.
I screamed again.
I tried over and over again but the spider was too agile and I was too afraid to actually come in contact with hairy spider legs to capture the beast.
The spider finally retreated to safety under the radiator.
I watched an waited and it did not reappear.
"Is it dead?"
I turned to see her little mud spattered face peering around the bathroom door.
"Is it dead?"
My eyes darted to the radiator.
"Yes, mommy killed the spider."
I lied, it was the only way to get her in the shower the only way to ensure that she would sleep soundly that evening.
The next morning as I was taking my shower I went to retrieve the soap and there sitting on my bar of Ivory was the spider, mocking me.
I almost touched it!
I screamed and the spider screamed and tried to run away but it lost its footing on the slippery soap and fell into the tub.
The spider got caught in the spray from the shower and whirled around the tub as I danced around its swirling form screaming the entire time.
My wild gesticulations knocked the shampoo bottle into the tub and the spider seeing relief scurried under the bottle.
I reacted with instinct as I stepped on the bottle finally killing the hairy beast.
"Is that the same spider?"
During the commotion my little one had come into bathroom and was standing with her eyes locked on the shampoo bottle.
What to do?
Say "yes" and then have her lose faith in me?
Tell her "no" and have her think that we are infested with palm sized screaming spiders of death?
With the hot water quickly running out I looked at her and said, "No, this is a much smaller spider, a tiny baby spider and it's dead so there's nothing to worry about."
She nodded smiled and flushed the toilet scalding me, the spider and practically melting the shampoo bottle.


I leave tomorrow for a week at the beach.
It's a vacation that I really can not afford financially but one I can not afford to miss mentally!
My ex mother in law took me to to task for going on a vacation I can not afford.
I told her that I could not disappoint the girls and that we'll be OK, so we'll have to eat pasta every night and there will be no money for extras?
I'll be alone at the beach with my girls.
What I really wanted to say was, "Perhaps if you would have spent more time with your children while they were young you wouldn't have 2 alcoholics, 1 sex addict, 1 food addict and 1 so neurotic she can not be in the same state as her siblings."
But I did not, because my mother raised me better.

I'll see you all next Sunday.