I tried to be open minded when he told me that I should not be afraid to show my emotions but I was flabbergasted.
I had to repeat the statement to myself, twice.
I should not be afraid to show my emotions?
I should not be afraid to show my emotions!
I have always thought of myself as an emotional person, I can cry at the drop of the hat, I laugh easily, I love hugs and kisses.
I did agree that I am quick, maybe too quick some times, to show my anger or displeasure but that's who I am.
I have an emotion and I express that emotion.
I asked contestant number one if he was trying to tell me that I should only show "POSITIVE " emotions and keep my "negative" emotions to myself.
He grinned sheepishly.
I asked if the necessity for keeping my negative emotions to myself was because of my gender.
A shrug and a "not necessarily"
I turned the question to contestant number two.
"Do I need to show my emotions more?"
"Well, you do need to smile more."
"I need to smile more?"
"Sometimes you get this 'look' on your face?"
"What 'look'?"
"That non smiling 'look'"
"The look on my face when I am not smiling? The look on my face when I am thinking?"
"Yeah, you need to not think so much."
"I need to smile more and not think so much"
"Yeah, exactly."
"OK, you do realize that just because I am not smiling it doesn't mean I'm frowning, right? Or unhappy or unfriendly it just means I'm not smiling."
I don't think I could just sit somewhere with a smile on my face because well...just because. People will think I am a lunatic. Do you just sit there with a smile on your face?"
"Well, no not always but you're-"
And so at the end of another very long Monday in July I was informed that because I am a woman I should never show anger or displeasure in public and I should think less and smile all the time.
I did glance at the calender, it was 2007 I had not traveled backwards in time.
Since contestant number one and contestant number two are men that I care about I tried to take what they said with a grain of salt and use it to better myself.
It is always good to control your anger, to channel it and use the emotion wisely and smiling a little more could not harm anyone.
I did inform them that if they or any person wanted an air-headed Barbie doll they would need to just find another woman to speak with because I prefer to think and correspond my faces to the emotions I am feeling and not to what "society" wants to see.
16 comments:
Why aren't you barefoot and pregnant?
:o)
It's not just me, right?
You do see the Absurdity in this, don't you?
There are some very needy men out there, and what they seem to need almost as much as a mother-figure is a woman who's even needier than they are.
Sounds as if your 'Fuckwit Detection System' is working perfectly :o)
It's odd. My wife and I had the same conversation a couple of weeks ago, but I was on the receiving end of the issue. I'm not smiling enough, I always seem to be frowning or stoic.
I just basically told her when I find something to smile about, I will.
I am MAN, the provider, protector, the righter of wrongs. If you are not cheerful then I have failed in my job.
Your job is to appear cheerful so that I can think I am all those things.
Really?!
Wow, that's so sad.
#1 Just because I am not smiling doesn't mean I'm frowning or unhappy
#2 I"ve yet to meet a man who's righted any wrongs for me.
Amen my sister.
Kiss.
I have often been told that I am not smiling enough even when I thought I was smiling, (or at worst neutral, thinking, as you said) just not a big stupid grin.
of course it's absurd, girl.
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Is this the first time in history a man has asked a woman to be more emotional?
File this under the men are dumb (women are crazy) file: In Manland (where simple things are the best things) there are only three emotions: Happy, Not Happy, and Angry. In relation to women, Happy Woman means a smiley, pleasant, agreeable Woman and can lead to rewards (eg. bolstered ego, not being harassed about yard work or sports, and in the best cases sex). A Not Happy Woman, is just one step closer to Angry, and and a thinking Not Happy Woman is even closer to Angry, because she is probably thinking about some stupid shit we did, and it is most often us that leads to the most frightening of all creatures - Angry Woman. Angry Woman is to be avoided at all costs. With her well thought out and articulate arguments, her ability to discuss the same point for hours, and her complete lack of acceptance for three word answers - not to mention her elephantine memory - Angry Woman is the greatest of all dangers for man and his ego. Smiley Vacuous Women is the safest of the species, while Angry Woman (often seen as part of the larger Smart Woman genus) most often leads to both thinking and humility in men; more commonly known as punishment and abuse, or in its simplest terms - drama.
Here's to those of us with that masochistic streak who like the abuse.
YOU GO GIRL!
I believe there is a difference between showing emotions and letting my emotions control me.
I also think that the way our face 'defaults' when we're feeling emotionally neutral says much about our overall mental state. I know this is true for me. Right now, if I let my face go 'neutral,' it goes into a sort of glowering, snarling mode. At other times, when things are a bit better, I don't look nearly as menacing.
Most men don't do any better talking about emotions than they do expressing them. I think these were two ham-handed attempts to exress this.
I also know this: My feelings are just that, and only that: feelings. My emotions are a reaction to something, not the thing itself: my divorce is not sad, but it makes me sad.
Furthermore, I believe that being conscious of my face and the attitude it shows (and the rest of my body, too) can help me change--slightly--the way I feel.
This isn't to say that I'm trying to hide my emotions; rather, I'm trying to process them through my body-especially the strong ones--to keep myself on a more even keel.
yeharr
I do, in fact, see the absurdity in it.
You are not wrong
That's right... walk around & appear cheerful. AND, for gosh sakes... quit the damn thinking (it'll only get ya in trouble) AND, while you're at it, make me a chipped ham samich and a cold beer.
Good Afternoon Dark Lady,
I get that a lot, what's the matter, what you upset about,just because I don't have a Cheshire cat grin doesn't mean that I'm not happy or that angry.
Don't let Mr. Happy face bother you.
Oh and as long as you're taking care of Knight, could you make mine on rye with a little extra mustard.
be y'own damn self!
Sounds like a confident woman emerging to me.
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