Why do I go to places that will only upset me?
Why do I search for things that will only cause my stomach to twist into a knot?
Why do I even bother to view events that will make me feel bad about myself?
Do I have an inner masochist that thrives on the anxiety and anger and self doubt and should have would have could haves that lurk in these spots?
Spots that I know should be forbidden to me?
Want compells me to even WANT to go there?
What is lacking in the good places in my life that drives me into these horrible zones?
19 comments:
well
here's the thing...
i fell in love with someone i can't have a long time ago and sometimes?
i still go read his blog. and all that it does is torture me and make me sad... so why do i do it?
Myspace.
His page.
His girl friend's page.
His Ex girl friend's page.
All of his myspace friends pages.
At least once a week.
He also has a blog that I visit and, god forgive me, comment on anonymously.
It's really very sad.
*sigh*
Maybe we hope that by visiting those places it will tell us that he is really very lonely and made a mistake..........
maybe we visit those places to harden ourselves to the reality of it all........
maybe we visit those places still hoping for a better outcome......
why do we put our hands in the fire when we know it will burn???
TEMPTATION!
I think you are looking for some kind of contact. We all do it when we want a closeness we can't have.
Kristen that it true.
Temptation, hmmm perhaps I do think it's more Like Ed says contact.
I am definitly looking for contact.
Blessed after thinking about it...I understand what you mean by temptation.
Interesting questions.
Let me ask another question:
If you knew the answers to those questions, how would it change your life?
Yeharr
If you figure out why you do it, clue me in, k? I've struggled with the same thing myself.
Like Kristen, maybe it's because I do wish he's sorry, that he's realized he made a huge mistake.
But I still hate it.
Pirate do answers always have to change you life? Can I just be satisfied in the knowing?
Thanks April, I really do think a big part of why I do this is contact...it's not only about ME and HIM it's about a world that he belongs to that I wish to become part of...
Okay, so let's just say you know the answers.
Then what? You'd still do the same destructive behaviors, but be satisfied that you know why you're doing it?
Yeharr
Just stop, right?
That's the only answer, isn't it?
Stop, don't stop, it's all up to you.
My point is that the 'why am I doing this' question really doesn't serve any purpose.
Yeharr
True.
You are absolutely right.
There is no point in asking why.
Doesn't mean I can stop myself though.
I like having you here Mr. Pirate, sometimes this place needs a little...testosterone.
You can stop if you want to.
I like being here, milady.
Yeharr
Please don't stop!
It's good for me, for all of us to hear different opinions and comments.
I truly like hearing you voice!
I'm not leaving.
Sorry if I didn't make myself clear.
I meant, you can stop the obsessing if you want to.
Yeharr
It was I who didn't read your comment correctly.
I could stop it if I wanted to but I don't.
Why don't I?
Because he represents a brief time in my life when the world was near perfect.
He belongs to a world that I long for; a world that has on every occassion to accept me has denied my entrance.
He represents a romantic ideal and no matter how many times I say that I don't believe in fairy tales there's a tiny little part of me that longs to be a princess.
He was a really good kisser.
it's hard to let go of things that we allow ourselves to love... even if the love is never returned or worse, was once there and now leaves...
even so we can't let go.
i've never talked with anyone the way i talked with that friend and i miss it SO MUCH but i can't have it because i love him still and he doesn't even bother to respect me let alone love or cherish me in return.
so i guess he was an imaginary friend all along... now who wants to tell my heart that?
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