Thank you for being honest.
Why is it necessary to thank an adult for being honest?
I can understand thanking a child who may not understand the consequences of lying but an adult who knows right from wrong, why do we do that?
Being honest is morally right so why do we thank people for doing something they are supposed to do as a good person.
I do it, I thank people for being honest all the time, I thank people for making the right choice and stand up for what is right, I thank people for being decent.
I would never want to be thought of as ungrateful.
But am I the only one that thinks it is odd to thank an adult for telling the truth?
14 comments:
I don't think of it as being honest. I think of it as being real. Being present. Being fearless enough to call someone on something, while letting the person know that you truly care about them.
As a society, we have a real 'don't ask, don't tell' mentality. Where 'how are you?' is only thre to keep 'hello' from bumping into 'goodbye'. We're all self-absorbed and fearful. And our society condones that, and stresses superficiality over reality and truthfulness.
No, being honest does not mean telling someone, unasked, that they need to lose some weight, or that you've been sleeping with his or her spouse. or any of that. (Hell, if you're truly honest, then you wouldn't be sleeping with someone else's partner). It's about connecting with someone in a very real way...listening to them, making sure you hear them, letting them know if you don't feel they're being truthful, and being truthful with them.
It's a trait that very few people have. It's one I'm trying to cultivate.
Aren't you glad you asked?
yeharr
So what you're saying is that "Thank You" s are necessary?
Well. if the person doing the thanking is only saying that because they're hurt by the honesty--if they're only saying 'thank you' because they're not willing to embrace what the person is saying (assuming that the 'honesty' comes from a real and loving place, and was not meant to hurt the other person)--then no.
But thanks are always good to hear, if meant.
As is the little-used phrase, 'you're welcome.' 'No problem,' and 'forget about it' do not mean the same thing. I'd like to see a re-emergence of both phrases.
Thank you for such a meaty topic.
yeharr
I have to agree with BP.
People are generally tuned in to sugar coat everything these days. In the world of PC gone mad people are predisposed to do everything in their power to not offend anyone, which generally means swallowing opinions or comments no matter how mundane. The coddling of egos, more than honesty, has become paramount to interpersonal communication, so to speak up and express yourself and be honest about your thoughts, opinions and feelings these days is a rare (and often difficult) gift.
In my humble opinion, a "thank you" is completely appropriate. Yes it is a bit odd to thank an adult for telling the truth, but it is also an acknowledgment of having been there listening in return. And I think by thanking people for their right choice, their decency, their honesty you only help to promote behavior that has unfortunately become all too uncommon these days.
So thank you for your honesty and concern.
I see.
I posted this because a person with whom I had a realtionship with. after much prodding, finally took the high road and then expected me to be gratefull.
I did say thank you but I still dont understand why a person should be thanked for doing the right thing.
Doing the right thing can be hard. Just because its right doesn't mean the high road isn't the most perilous path. A thank you in that case doesn't necessarily mean gratitude, but appreciation for the person doing what you had hoped they would do all along. Doing what for them may have been a difficult task, or a struggle with themselves. It doesn't change how their struggle affected you or your relationship, it just lets them know that you see what they are doing a appreciate the effort.
It also shows your decency, your nature. It's a lot nicer than "about fucking time" which is how a lot of other people might reply.
SOME PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR THANK YOU IN ORDER TO KNOW THAT YOU NOTICED WHAT THEY DID. OTHERS NEED TO HEAR IT FOR THEIR EGO.
I undertand what all of you are saying, I guess I am just naive enough to believe in being "honest for honesty's sake"
This is a bit of misdirection, in my opinion. In your post, you ask if someone should be thanked for being honest.
That's an iffy situation. Quite frankly, it's probably up to the person hearing the honesty, with all the factors I've previously mentioned added in.
However, your last two comments point out a different situation. In your last post, you state that you think people should be honest for honesty's sake. That's fine. However, in your comment previous to this, you tell us that this person only gave you this 'honesty' after much prodding from you.
If 'much prodding' is involved, it isn't honesty for honesty's sake. It's telling you something (that I'm guessing you already knew) to get you to stop prodding.
So, in my book, he gave you something you asked for. That's entirely different.
What's the polite thing to do when someone gives you something for which you've asked? You thank them. Doesn't matter if it's a toy, a car, a kiss, or 'honesty.'
Why was it so important to have this person say it? What did it mean to you?
yeharr
I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. It's a sad time in society when we have to wonder whether someone is being honest.
I do think Peong is right in saying that a thank you means you have acknowledged the other person's honest thoughts.
It is the world we live in and perhaps it has always been that way through history. I just remember an old line from the movie Shenandoah. Where the father tells his son: If you always tell the truth you never have to remember what you said. I wish more would follow this advice.
In the world I live in, insincerity is necessary, at least at work. At home? Yes, at times I don't tell the whole truth ("your butt looks fat in that dress" is not polite), nor do I want someone I care about, or for that matter even someone I don't particularly care about telling me I look fat.
I was raised to believe "let your yays be yays and your nays be nays", ie complete honesty. It took me a long time to overcome the social disadvantage that created for me. I am still too blunt.
I think BP's initial comment hits the target, yet I would agree with him/her only in certain relationship contexts.
I love the way your mind works. Love the things you notice and think about.
xo
I've just read a book about the English in which it's said, with justification, that our prime characteristic is hypocrisy, i.e. we don't say what we're thinking and sometimes act the opposite. The upside, however, us that this hypocrisy is designed to avoid causing unnecessary offence.
I think that if the English were to thank each other for their honesty it'd be done entirely in an ironic way, meaning exactly the opposite :o)
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