I was up at 6:00 AM.
Who am I kidding?
I've been up since 4:45 AM.
My eldest begins middle school today and though she seems to be handling it very well
I am terrified.
Terrified.
I do not know how she is handling this.
A new bus, a new school, new kids.
If it were me I'd be throwing up.
But not her.
She has had her outfit planned since July, she has mapped out her entire routine and she's already "booked" her lunch table.
I have been holding back my fears.
I have not told her that her "High School Musical" shirt may not be a good choice because someone may make fun of her, I have not told her that her choice to have a lunch box may cause her to be picked on, I have let her make her own choices and allowed her to be proud and excited by these choices.
I have not shared my fears of not fitting in, my fears of always being wrong.
She is a much braver, stronger girl than I ever was and that is a relief to me.
I spent so much of my youth being afraid of what MIGHT happen.
I still spend so much time being afraid of what might happen.
I am getting better though.
Maybe it is because adults do not pick on you as much as kids do.
15 minutes until I walk her to the bus stop and wait discreetly down the street until the bus picks her up to take her away to her new life.
Another step away from me.
Life goes on.
EDIT:
the younger child, the one who shares the same anxiety issues as I do, has just come from from school after only 3 hours. She was up until 1:00 am with a stomach ache. She was worried about not being able to find her class room. This is the first time in 3 years she's on her own without her big sister guiding her.
She's home now, sleeping after promising me that tomorrow she'll be fine.
5 comments:
Be prepared - it happens again with high school and then college is a whole new set of worries. Then they are out looking for work, trying to find the "perfect job" with all the disappointments associated with that.
One of these days, my son can start worrying about me, that will teach him.
You'll be fine. Mine started middle school yesterday, too. Off he went, jammed into a bus with a bunch of high school kids (he's the only middle schooler at that bus stop), wearing "golf clothes" (a nice polo shirt and nice shorts) and carrying his lunch in a brown paper bag . . . no smiley face on it, no name (though I do think his mother put one of those little pre-printed inspirational notes in it). First year in the last 4 that he and his sister aren't going to the same school.
He has friends in all of his classes, and is happy as a clam.
Browser is right --- I look at this as Worry Training 101, with much more to come down the road, so pace yourself.
XO
She'll be fine. Odds are that strength and confidence is not something she picked up from watching TV. I'm just saying...
And for what its worth, I know at least 2 or 3 people who at age 30 still bring their lunch to work in lunch boxes.
Good Morning Dark Lady,
It's just a case of mommy jitters. Don't let her see your concern, remember you're one of the reasons that she's braver and stronger than you were when your girl.
It's more important that, she should be happy with herself, more than fitting in or worrying about what might happened.
I feel for you. I was as nervous as hell when my daughter went to 'big school' at 11 years old. I think she was too, but she carried it off well.
It sounds as if your older daughter will be fine, so maybe this is the very beginning of letting her go. That'll leave you more space to reassure the younger one :o)
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