It has been a long time, a very long time since I have allowed myself to become excited about anything or anyone for that matter.
I have built myself a nice shell of cynicism and sarcasm.
It can be a "funny" place to be but not very happy or people friendly.
It seems that most people are not protected by a boundry of wise ass jokes and wry opbservations.
Most people look forward to life with open arms.
It seems that I have attached myself to a person who is, dare I say it, an optimist.
He becomes excited over such small things, it is a wonder to behold.
He will wax poetical about winning a stuffed animal a the local fair and I will just marvel at his
enthusiasm.
He does not understand why I can seem to muster up excitement.
It is easy.
All you need is to have disappointments in your life and the fear of the hurt from disappointment.
You begin to condition yourself to achieve constant state of nonchalance.
An "I really don't care one way or another" attitude.
A defense mechanism against the threat of disappointment.
If you do not expect anything, good or bad, how could you ever be upset over the outcome?
I had mistakenly thought that this was THE way to live.
I had thought that protecting myself from hurt and pain was the smart thing to do never realizing that by walling myself off from hurt also separated me from the possibility of happiness.